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I've finally finished Lucy's bio sobs

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Name: Lucy

Real Name: full name is unkown

Nicknames: N/A

Age: unknown. looks to be in her teen years though.

Age of Death: ////

Gender: female

Species:  Ghost/demon

Personality: She has a good vocabulary and MAY seem kind at first but has bad intentions and can be very rude she gets very bored easily, A good actor but is surprisingly hot-headed and confused about a lot of things that almost everyone in today’s society understands (such as technology) 

Relationship: None

Date Of Birth: unknown (She did have a bio once but someone suggested that it didnt really add to the character) But she does seem like a 60's kid to some people

Weight: 130 pounds

Height: 5’4

Eye Color: Gold/ brown

Skin Color: pail Olive (Her skin looks so thin that you can see a lot of her vains, she also has freckles)

Hair Color: Redish

Fears: Failure, heights, big pretty much empty rooms.

Powers/Abilities: She is good at seeming invisible (Not invisible but she is good at having no presence/ being forgotten) She also knows some good techniques for driving people insane (the power of “Suggestion” It's kinda like mind control except she has to do it repeatedly (For the average person it takes about a week or two, less if the person sleeps alot, drinks alot and/ or is day-dreamy, more than that if not) And she has to do it while the victim is either sleeping or drowsy...Or drunk, things like that--- when their mind isn't in the right place)

Weapons: (What do they use for combat? (If any) ….N/A she does threaten with scissors though

How S/he kills/wounds in Combat: She will try to avoid direct contact- She doesn't directly kill. As for how she kills she will stalk a person for a while and find out who they are; Who they hate, She will then proceed to meet the person and act as a homeless girl, if they run away or refuse to be hospitable in any way she will temporarily leave then meet them the next day, The person will have dreamless nights, because they will only subconsciously remember her "Suggestions" (So she knows the next day you will most likely agree to "Being friends" With her, She will then clutch to you)- this may go on for a week- for the most irrational people to a month- for the most rational and she will not leave, she'll give you a story about the person you hate or are even slightly mad at until you think it is ok to get rid of them- this will work for the sanest people because of her suggestions driving them insane, after the deed is done the person, if they are weak minded will realise what they have done and commit suicide, for stronger minded people, they will stay insane and be put into an asylum thus, her saying "Plead insanity" Comes into action, the person will do exactly that.  

Weaknesses: she can't touch living, breathing things (She can throw inanimate objects at them though) She’s physically weak and will cower if someone wanted to directly fight her; (Unless they're human, because they will basically go through her) Or tease them because she knows they wont. depends.She does not like sunlight and will only show in dark places, however, being the actor  she is; she will not show this weakness.

Strengths: Manipulation and She is unaffected by holy things.

Cause of Death: unknown

History: unknown

Creepypasta:
 
I Now work at a small restaurant in town- I get fired and rehired all the time, its starting to sicken me, I’m getting so pissed off at people so easily and sometimes i’m even called hartless. Is it because i am no longer a cop? Is it because of that one thing that happened? I didnt mean to shoot that man, He was simply in the way, The poor guy.... But, it seems like i’m being fired again, I yelled at the customer. My temper has never been the best and ever since i was a kid… i had certain problems… I did not seem to mind braking that kids arm when i was 10 but I do feel a little sorry for them now... Why? The world may never know. Haha... I still wonder how i got through training with such a personality, but it's tame enough... My wife left me TOO, She was mine, but theres nothing i can do about it. That's life, eh?

I was kept in just to be fired. My car broke down and my phone died, so I’m wondering around looking for a phone booth-
‘Ah! Here it is!’ I mutter to myself as i get out the change i have but then i hear a young girls voice, She sounds like she was no older than 15
‘Can you please help me?!’ I look down and see a girl with short messy red hair- I can’t see her eyes as she’s looking down ‘sorry kid no-’ i begin but I hear quiet sobbing
‘P-Please help me...’ She sobs and i sigh lightly ‘What do you need help with?’ I growl,  She looks about my daughter's age. However i don't think my kid likes me anymore. I notice blood dripping out of her oversized red jumper and onto her green tights and black converse. What the hell?
‘Its the middle of summer, why are you wearing a jumper?’ I reach over to grab her arm but she steps back- I’m still unable to see her eyes.
‘Ok...’ i say
‘It hurts’ she says quietly, I look at her in confusion 
‘IT HURTS’ She says louder running to the nearest corner- she was really fast and when i ran to catch up to her. But i saw nothing. Even the blood i saw drop on the ground before… It was gone… Wait… What was i doing again?
I rub my eyes and brush it off i’m not sure what she wants me to do- Hm, Then again I could be imagining it- I must have been zoning out in fact the thought is already blurry- Yeah, I’m tired. and i already started forgetting it. She couldn't have moved that fast. I call a taxi. I can’t wait for sleep. I sleep soundly- Thats rare. I usually wake up at every thump in the night. Damn, I feel great! I feel like something good might happen today! Despite the fact that i heard that girls voice again… But all i heard was “Hate”- the rest was a blur.  I wake up and stretch putting my feet into a wet substance, slightly shocked i lift my feet and look down- It was water. Uh- My cup of water must have fallen off the table… somehow. maybe i hit it while i was sleeping? Or something? Whatever. I pick up the cup and trudge into my kitchen, I get spooked by a sudden phone call… usually Nobody calls me- Its probably work however…
I pick up the phone and it cut out, I shrug and put the phone back down. Its not the first time that happened. 
‘Wont you help me?’ I hear a sob and immediately turn around and see the girl again- I could clearly see blood on her face and clothes- but i couldn't see her eyes yet
‘How did you get into my house?!’ I growl
‘Please help me’ she says again
‘WHAT WITH?!’ i yell in irritation
‘P-Please be my friend…’ she mutters- her head still looking to the ground- but its lighter and i can see a bit of her deathly pale skin 
‘What?’ I mutter
‘Please...’ she says back, and i rub my temples
‘Sure, I’ll be your friend’ i say and she grins in a bitter-sweet manner.
‘Lucy’ She says and i open my mouth to say my name
‘Tis ok. I know who you are’ she says smiling bigger.
‘How?’ i ask
‘I heard someone call you it… You’re a cop right?’ she says and i look at her in shock… I’ve been an Ex-cop. for 5 years now.
‘I...Was?’ i say slowly
‘Can you get daddy?’ she asks fastly. I look at her, what does she mean “Get” her daddy… Wait. Does she want me to arrest her dad? In THIS state why doesn't she just go to the actual cops?
‘What… happened yesterday?’ I ask trying to get a glimpse of her whole face but she steps back ‘I-I’m sorry...’ she begins ‘Give me a chance… please...’ she mutters. I look at her with my head cocked to the side ‘Daddy...’ She begins but i stop her
‘First things first! How do you know my address and why do you need me?’
‘BECAUSE YOU CAN SEE ME!’ She yells looking at me- I can see her eyes. One is a goldish colour and one… isnt even there… its just a hole…
I yell in shock and stumble back, Things fly of the table next to me
‘CAN’T YOU JUST PLEASE LISTEN TO ME?!’ she yelled making scissors appear in her left hand- Or- FOR or left hand, i didnt notice because of how large her jumper was
… I didn't know adults could have imaginary friends
… Thats right… Its called insanity
‘I AM REAL!’ she cries and i regained my position
‘LISTEN TO ME!!’ she yelled and i nod- just wanting to get her away from me. I sit down in the chair calmly- This is just a figment of my imagination. And i listened to her tell me her story
‘Daddy hates me’ she starts and i already know where she’s going ‘He blamed me for mummy’s death. He’d always hit me and one day he snapped entirely. When i was going to take some food for school he told me about how when people stole in some other places they'd get their hands cut off… I tried to fend for myself. U-Using scissors i found but he…overpowered me... he stabbed my eye until it was liquid… Because it annoyed him… Because i was cross eyed in that eye... He left me there to die…When they found me… They couldn't pry the scissors out of my hand’ I wrote this down, This would be good material for the scary story i’m going to write after she’s gone.
I flick my hand up ‘Go bother someone else’ i say and she growls 
I TOLD YOU I CAN’T!’ 
‘I can’t be the only one who can see you’
‘YOU ARE!’ She yells. And i ignore her- Ignoring Lucy’s beggs- Which, of course- didn't attract any attention- 
Its been weeks now and she still hasn't left me alone. Its. So. Annoying! Her voice is less of a whisper and i can hear her clearly say when i’m sleeping “You hate them” and “Wake up They are strangers” I have- or don't remember my dreams except that voice and i remember something written in white on a black background but i can't make out the words. 
She hasn't said anything she just follows me around. I haven't written much in my little story either… ha...ha… So she finally gets me to agree with getting this guy… This isnt going to end well for me… I’ve never believed in ghosts… But i can't have just gone insane out of the blue right? Then again i just saw a ghost out of the blue- and they’re both unbelievable... So she told me this man's name apparently its John Muller. John Muller? Hm... I think I have a good idea about what she wants now idea... She also told me that he lives at 223 Desmond Street. I know she’s already got it planned out even though she can't touch anything, really,  However its strange since she moved the things on my shelves- in fact knocked them off. can she not touch people? But can touch inanimate objects? Why can’t she do it herself? So it's happening tonight... I'm going to trust the  girl, I HAVE to. I'm sick of her, She's ruining my life everytime I try to get myself a date she's there, It's awkward, there are  I just want her to pass on, to get rid of her for good, Get her to leave me the fuck alone. I considered just going to a doctor to talk to about it or something, i can’t just go up to someone and say a 15-year-old girl called Lucy keep talking to me about her abusive father and how she wants me to go over to his house and, and… I’m not a cop anymore… I googled Lucy… and there it was- an article about a dead girl- just as she described it… I don't feel any sympathy for this man, Is it strange I saw child get hit by a car and I just didn't feel anything at all, I mean, Usually i’d be worried for the parents, And i did become a cop just to stop bad things from happening but it sought of faded away altogether, its ok however  in fact I almost felt happy, that kid kept me up at night with its crying next door, He annoyed Lucy to…
So I take a deep breath and here I go…
I go to the men's house just as plan goes... since his house is a shitty little dump it wasn't that hard break into… I just went in the window. I found it looks nicer on the inside.
It was a clean house and fit a few rooms and I thought that there would be drugs or something around but  there is none in this small house it looks bad from the outside but on the inside, Its ok, Is the rent cheap?  Anyway I placed a few little ‘Toys’ as Lucy called them and things around this place, something nice for mr.Generic name John to wake up to I sneak out again, covering my tracks... that was to easy… I also took other precautions. I cut all the phone lines and destroyed mobiles I also wrecked his car by unscrewing a few things. John was pretty far out of town so he’ll most likely die.

The next day I read the paper it wasn't exactly what I expected it to be... I thought the man was alone. But for some reason I didn't find killing his wife and kids… That bad, In Fact. I don't feel an ounce of guilt… Its like my conscience has disappeared altogether… Haha thats impossible… A few days later I hear a knock at my door I open it suspiciously and there are two policeman I try not to act shocked did I leave evidence behind? Do they know i left the toys? 
‘We’d like you to come with us’ One growled lowly
‘You’re under arrest’ the other one hissed
I didn't think much of this- I just hit them over the head with a lamp- corse making the other one take out a gun and point it at me
‘In the car. NOW’ I look back at Lucy who is comfortably sitting on my couch playing with her scissors- I swear i see her smile- and her say 'plead insanity' but its a bit dark however- I go with the man
‘How could you kill your own wife and daughter’ one mutters as he puts me into the car.
I always knew i was insane.
My wife shouldn't have left me… She should have stayed MINE! She shouldn't of taken MY kid away from me!
And as for lucy…
she never existed…
She admitted that she’s not a ghost you see…
And even when people googled her death- she was never found, I am insane. I even created the page article in my mind. I told you i never believed in ghosts.
She simply helps to achieve your goal that you hid in the back of your mind. The problem could be small or big… But has a solution That you don’t even see…
I’m glad… Thats 3 murders. And i’m glad… I can write this for you all…For some fun... Lets see who'll find this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I close the page- Seems like some silly little story a young person would write for fun, Ridiculous. Demons or hallucinations aren't that scary. and it makes no sense, nobody can just lose their conscience and kill loved ones… Then again…

‘So... They'll be here soon’ I hear as i look back to a redheaded girl, I have no regrets.....

(***THIS STORY IS GOING TO BE EDITED SOON***) 

Theme Song: (I know this is a theme song for a different CP but it kinda fits so dont kill me) www.youtube.com/watch?v=09VMKw…

Further References: (Link all your other necessary pictures below here) heyrandomppl.deviantart.com/ar…
 heyrandomppl.deviantart.com/ar…
if someone would read it all and give me feedback that would be amazing thanks
© 2015 - 2024 Heyrandomppl
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SinistrosePhosphate's avatar
Hello. 
Sorry about the delay, but I've finally had a chance to read through the text. And since you asked for critiques and comments, I'll try to do my best. 

The first thing that comes to mind is that the back story doesn't explain everything Lucy purported to be. It does explain her as a sort of "vengeful ghost", but it doesn't explain her "demon" status. It's something to consider. The second thing that comes to mind, of course, is why would her parents attempt to bring back their first son John through the body of Lucy? (Sure, it makes sense to bring John back through Billy - because they were both sons. But to bring back a son through the body of a daughter? Boy... that's going to be a very confused kid if they succeeded.) Logistically speaking, there are also a few caveats. I mean, I'm 34, and I don't have problem with technology - unless you believe 34-year old people are old geezers who are completely removed from your reality, we can actually be pretty tech-savvy. Similarly, "pleading insanity" is actually a pretty rare defence and most of the time it's unsuccessful. Something like this was more successful in fiction and in the past, but in this day and age (from a 34-year's point of view)... it's rare and rarely successful. 

The cult itself doesn't seem fully fleshed out. There are a number of necromancy-related magic but they are usually not the central tenet of a cult. They are more likely a branch of pre-existing magic. But at the the end of the day, it's actually really tough to hide things from your kids, especially when the kids are as old as 15. I think what the parents are trying to do makes for a nice creepy story, but aspects of it are simply not believable. 

I have no problem with Lucy being "the voice in the back of the head", though. It's a great concept and I love the pilot short story you wrote. It's just that this "backstory" really doesn't add much to it. Sometimes it's better to not have a backstory at all, I think. A lot of successful horror stories simply keep their main villains mysteriously enigmatic. No one is interested in knowing how Slenderman became Slenderman or what he really is. But the moment people found out how Jeff the Killer became Jeff the Killer people started poking all sorts of holes into the backstory. It takes away from the story, you know?

The other thing I should point out is that the text itself can use some editing. There are some grammatical errors - not big ones, mind - that can be fixed. 

Overall, though, I think the backstory may take away from the Lucy character instead of adding to it. But not badly. If we can tweak the backstory a little, maybe we can salvage it for the better. I hope what I can offer would be helpful; just food for thought, really. And I look forward to seeing what you'll do with Lucy next!